Tag Archives: Stay at Home Mom

…..And I did swear over and over again, throughout my years in the mosh pits of the DC punk scene…later while studying gender stratification in college, and again while working behind the scenes at some of DCs biggest nightclubs and concerts.

I spent years mocking and pitying the boring, oppressed life of the housewife….Those poor women living an outdated lifestyle, saddled with the burden of raising kids and cleaning house, and deprived of the freedom to pursue their own careers and enjoy life on their own terms.

I couldn’t imagine ever giving up my “freedom” to go to work, in favor of what I perceived as, the messy, irritating, task of child rearing.  Maybe that sounds harsh but growing up I perceived (through media and other sources) that raising kids was an annoyance.  Kids are loud, they make everything sticky, they throw tantrums, they keep you from going out on a whim, etc.

This is all true (as we all surely know!) but the other side of things is what I didn’t anticipate… I didnt foresee the moments of wonder and peace, when you hold them in your arms as they doze off, or see them pick a flower for the first time, and the many many other instances of tranquility and perfect love you get as a parent…

I certainly don’t recall my own parents having many of those moments. I come from a home rocked by illness and addiction. My father was a brilliant man, but also a manic alcoholic (he was in rehab 6 times that I was aware of). In addition he was diagnosed with terminal Cancer when I was 8 and passed away when I was 17 (Note: He did finally achieve sobriety 3 years before he passed away).

On top of that my parents ran a small non-profit that was competing for project grant money with agencies like USAID and Unicef. They worked very, very hard and for extremely long hours…Long story short, when I was growing up my parents were always busy and stressed, and later sick and weak.  Several years after my father passed away my mom was diagnosed with liver Cancer and she passed in 2007.

For over 20 years our family was polluted with the weight and strain of anticipating certain doom. That in itself is like being sick. When I met my now-husband I insisted that I had no interest in marriage or kids.  After all who wants to create a family when you’re just increasing the number of people you love, whom you can lose?

What finally did convince me to marry him happened when he held me, on the 2nd anniversary of my moms passing, as I cried. He looked me in the eyes and explained softly, that the only way I could fill the hole in my heart from LOSING family was by CREATING FAMILY. It was such a simple concept but one that had eluded me for years, until that moment.

We eloped a few months later and I was pregnant 6 weeks after that. At the time I was doing work that was very physically demanding and I had to quit. I insisted to him and myself, that I would return to work once the baby was born. My husband supported the idea of me going back to work, if thats what I wanted to do.

Then my daughter was born, and wanting to immerse myself in raising and loving her, I decided to put off going back to work for a while longer.  My husband, thank our lucky stars, makes enough money to support the household.

And it suddenly occurred to me that I am indeed VERY lucky that we are able to afford having the FREEDOM for me stay home to raise our children…I am aware now of what a blessing it is to be there for my kids all the time, to witness all those unique, golden (yes, often messy) moments children have. My own parents didnt have that luxury, I was a latchkey kid from the start. But my kids wont be.

I will be the suburban mom, driving them to practice and parties. I’ll be there to cook their meals, help with homework, give advice, nag them, fight with them, laugh and play with them, clean up their messes and teach them to clean up after themselves.

Because though I had most of those things to a certain degree, I always knew the enormous amount of stress my parents were under, kept them from being “those” types, the super hands-on, around all the time kind of parents. But its the kind of parent I’d like to be and I am grateful that I have that opportunity. Parenting is a HUGE responsibility and a mammoth task but it is such a joy every moment (even if its in retrospect!) and I am honored to have so much time with my kids.

Given my own life experience I know that being a stay at home mom or “housewife” is both a blessing, and a choice, that has given me and my children a lifestyle of stability and peace that I didn’t have.

I don’t know what the Universe has in store for me and my family, but I am enjoying my life and living in the moment.  And I have found surprisingly, that being a housewife turned out to be the exact thing, I never knew, I always wanted.