Monthly Archives: January 2012

There IS a Light That Never Goes Out

by Julie Posted on January 31, 2012

 

My most recent years have taught me the hard way about making the best of tough situations.  Finding the strength to walk away from a shattered marriage and the once beautiful home that housed it initially zapped all of my energy for use in other areas.

This was particularly a problem when I was on my own with my two beloved girls.  At the ages of 2 and 4, children are already, by nature, high maintenance, in the way that they depend on an adult to meet all of their needs, by no means a burden.  Throw a divorce into the mix, and a 4 year old can turn downright volatile.  How can one expect such a new human being to sort through emotions that have been known to knock a full-grown, “mature” adult on their ass?

Dealing with my own internal chaos while helping her work through hers was the ultimate exercise in self-control and patience.  Luckily the 2 year old was too young to really understand what was going on.  As the parent who finally stood up for myself and took leave from a situation where I was not respected, I appeared to my older daughter as the catalyst for destroying her “happy” home and she made sure I knew it.

So I powered through it, and rolled with the punches, and the tantrums, and the meltdowns.  Believe me I had my own, but they were usually in the form of stifled screams behind a locked bathroom door.  Those moments of solitary “solace”, were essential in reminding myself to breathe and to remember that we would get through this.  And we did.

I kept my composure (sometimes barely), and eventually she understood things as well as a 4 year old can in these cases.  I flooded my girls with love as I always have and eventually the burning anger was extinguished.

After a while on my own, we agreed to joint custody.  Another change.  Another heartbreak.  Missing my sweet girls when they were away, yet often overwhelmed  when they were with me.  As they adjusted to having two homes, I adjusted to living two lifestyles.  Single mom and singular me.  I’m still learning how to be the latter.

My situation is by no means conventional.  I work for my ex-mother-in-law.  So does my ex-husband; it’s his family business.  It used to be mine too; now it’s just weird.  He and I never work at the same time, but mixing work and family is notoriously complicated.  Mixing work and ex-family?  Downright stressful.

The mother-in-law and I used to be super-tight.  That of course changed once I was not in allegiance with her son.  We still have a mostly decent relationship most of the time, excluding when we reach our breaking points.  Mine usually when being criticized on personal matters (i.e. parenting) at the office and hers being my attitude when I am given unwanted advice.  I also tend to be viewed as bit of a punching bag at tax time or other stressful moments, to which I do not react well.

How, and more importantly why do I deal with this?

I remind myself constantly that:

a) I am lucky to have a job at all in this economy.

b) My ability to work in the office only twice weekly and do the rest at home allows me to continue my education, thus creating a future  escape route from my position.

c) I also have time to focus on other things, like this blog and taking some time to reflect on and better myself ~  friends (endless gratitude to them!), yoga, hiking, dollar movies.  Me time.

d) It would be extremely difficult to find another employer so willing to work with my daughters’ school schedules and particularly difficult to find a boss who was thrilled when I had to bring them to the office.

Folks are generally shocked when I tell them where, or more so for whom I work.  Honestly, it really sucks sometimes.  The distance between my old life and my burgeoning new one is not nearly great enough.  But, there is a light at the end of this odd, sometimes dismal tunnel and it’s drawing me closer, like a hopeful moth to a distant flame.

 

Posted in Custody, Divorce, Family, Parenting, Villagers | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

Ask the Experts ~ Digging In: Quick Advice on How to Keep a Nose Picker In Check

by Melissa Posted on January 30, 2012

TAV Reader:  My 4 year old constantly picks his nose.  We’ve tried reasoning (germs, grossing out friends), punishing by taking away a toy, and timeouts.  Any advice? We’ll try anything to keep his fingers out of there!  Thank you.

Melissa:  I would recommend talking about where and when it is appropriate to pick your nose.

There should definitely be consequences if he is picking just to test the limits.

Also, a cute handkerchief may not be a bad idea!

Posted in Ask the Experts, Behavior, Manners, Parenting Advice | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

The Little Ninja Inside Me

by Stephanie Posted on January 28, 2012

The past few weeks have been extremely frustrating for me.  At around 16-18 weeks of pregnancy I started getting bombarded with questions like “Are you feeling the baby move yet?”- “How are those kicks feeling?” – and from my doctor, “Are you keeping track of your baby’s kicks?”.

I know these questions are normal at this stage of pregnancy, but because I wasn’t feeling anything the questions made me, well, paranoid, quite frankly.  I started to wonder: Is something wrong with my baby?  Is something wrong with me?  What the hell is going on?  WHY AM I NOT FEELING MY BABY?!  I know – I tend to be dramatic sometimes….

Fast forward a few weeks:  My husband, mother in law, sister, and I (yes, it was a family affair) went to our second trimester ultrasound screening.  Not only is this screening a time when they measure all the baby’s body parts to see that all is developing properly, but this is also a time when they can get a good look at the baby’s goods and tell you what you’re having.  We were beyond excited!  After a few moments of silence while the technician went to work she asked if we wanted to know the sex.  OF COURSE!  She snapped a shot, and there it was! A tiny little turtle head: My boy’s penis!  After much whooping, and screaming (my sister really wanted a boy & she can get super loud) that I’m sure the whole office heard, I was also told that I have an anterior placenta which explains why I wasn’t feeling my baby.

For those of you that aren’t familiar with the term anterior placenta: It basically means that the placenta is attached to the front of the uterus – shielding the baby from the abdomen. In most cases, the position of the placenta is posterior – towards the back of the uterus.  As my doctor explained it the placenta acts like a pillow, cushioning me from feeling my baby’s kicks and punches.  So, I was just going to have to be patient & wait for my boy to get big enough to karate chop his way through my annoying placenta.  (Kidding! I am totally aware of how important and amazing my placenta is.)

Now in my 22nd week of pregnancy the paranoia is long gone!  This boy is performing some serious martial arts inside of me.  It started as a few very subtle thumps that I almost dismissed as gas, to full blown “my stomach is feeling like a bass drum” kicks!  I have to admit that I’m enjoying every little bit of it.  After feeling like I was robbed for so long I welcome every thump as the tiny little gift that it is.  It’s almost like he’s making up for lost time.  Thank you son for being so active & giving mommy the reassurance I need to know that everything is ok.

Posted in Behavior, Health, Pregnancy, Villagers | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

The Decisions We Make: Dog vs. Baby

by S. Garcia Posted on January 25, 2012

Before being a mother of two children, I was the proud mother of a pup named Petey.

Petey, was the most abnormal of specimens. He was a basset hound. But not like just ANY basset hound. His coat was course and dapple like a Dalmatian. His legs were short and mal formed. His eyes were soulful and the sweet soul sucked on his over sized ears, as if he were a child sucking his thumb. I loved him, immediately, and for eight years he was my child.

That all changed the day I delivered my first child.

I delivered a beautiful 5 pound, 10 ounce baby girl with a set of lungs that only Tommy Mottola could appreciate. She was the light of our lives.

For six weeks, it was a constant power struggle between the two of them. My daughter would cry and Petey would “mark” his territory.  Petey would bark and my daughter would cry.  At any given time, one of them would be protesting the other’s existence.  This situation was not exactly what I had planned.  I’d envisioned my loyal basset hound standing guard as my newborn and I peacefully slept.  Boy was I wrong.

Now, don’t get me wrong… I tried all the recommended advice…

1. Obedience classes before the baby arrives.

2. Having your dog thoroughly checked out by a veterinarian before your baby comes home. This will give you time to deal with parasites or other problems that could pose a family health risk.

3. Letting your dog get used to the sights, smells and sounds of a baby in advance. Let her sniff baby blankets and lotions, and get her used to the sounds of rattles and other baby toys.

4. Before bringing your baby home from the hospital, send home a blanket or gown that the baby has been wrapped in. This will get your dog used to the baby’s scent.

5. Let Dad or someone else carry the baby inside at the first homecoming, so that Mom is free to greet the dog with open arms. That way the dog will be less jealous of her attentions to the baby.

6. Praise your dog when you’re near the baby so she will think of the child as a positive influence on her life’she gets praised more when the baby is around.

7. Reassure your dog, each time your baby cries, that this is a normal sound, and train her not to bark when she hears it. Use positive reinforcement as much as possible, a treat or a hug for doing the right thing.

8. Spend one-on-one time with your dog while the baby is napping, or during walk time (your baby can ride along in a sling or front-pack).

After all that failed… I had a husband who resented me, a child who couldn’t sleep and a dog who was no longer the center of my universe.

As a mother, I made the difficult decision to adopt out my beloved pet.

I’m here to tell you that it’s ok.

As a mom you make tough decisions and heartbreaking sacrifices. Sure, it may start off with a pampered pup you’d grown to love for eight years but it won’t end there. As a mother and wife, we will forever brush aside our sadness, sweep away our resentments and solely thrive on the love of our families.  It is what sets us aside from the general population and makes us mothers.

Please share any tough decisions that you have had to make for the greater good of your family. 

Posted in Parenting Advice | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

Ssshhhh! Book Review: Keep Our Secrets by Jordan Crane

by Julie Posted on January 23, 2012

 

During our first read of Keep Our Secrets, the number of times “This is so cool” was uttered easily outnumbered the pages of this inventive board book.  Admittedly, I did a lot of the uttering, but my 4 and 6 year olds were equally mesmerized.

This is no ordinary children’s book, and it’s certainly not something I’ve seen before.  At first glance, the sticker on the cover stating “FOR BEST RESULTS READ THIS BOOK WITH A HAIRDRYER (AND ADULT SUPERVISION)” is a little disconcerting.

Turns out that Keep Our Secrets, by novelist and comic creator Jordan Crane, is printed with heat-sensitive, color-changing in various locations on each page.  The effect is downright magical.  The story follows a boy and girl’s graphic journey through a regular world, full of very unexpected secrets, such as a ribcage of canaries and a very clever take on a case full of “leaves”.  Sssshhhh!  I shouldn’t give away too much ~ it’s too much fun to find out for yourself!

Published by McSweeney’s McMullens, Keep Our Secrets, is not just for kids.  The humor is dark and dry.  It was over my girls’ heads in all the right places, but they laughed in several places.  My six year old did choose the tree that “bleeds real blood if you cut it,” which a heart and veins, as her favorite illustration, but it is in no way gory; it’s actually quite beautiful.  I might agree with the choice, but there are so many cleverly detailed images to choose from!

While the back cover suggests the images can be revealed by rubbing them, it takes a lot of effort for each one, and there are plenty.  This can result in frustration for tiny hands (and mine too), so I do recommend the hairdryer technique for more instant gratification.  Although my hands have been known to be cold, and Mr. Crane seems to have less trouble on his adorable tutorial:

For best effects, I strongly advise following the author’s advice and reading in a whisper.  Get in on the secrets, they’re too stunning not to share!

Keep Our Secrets is available for $15.95 from the McSweeney’s Store, Amazon, and other brick and mortar and online locations.  
 
Special thanks to McSweeney’s McMullens for the advance copy for review.
Posted in Book Review, Villagers | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

When Logic Fails and Colic Takes Over

by S. Garcia Posted on January 21, 2012

“Trust me, I am a nurse.”  I often find myself telling people that.  On a daily basis, I’m thrown random medical questions from family and friends.  I am able to throw emotions aside, weed threw facts and Google my way to logical answers to questions such as, “ When will the burning stop?”, “Am I still contagious?”, or “ Is it supposed to be green?”.  I have been trained to handle all types of stressful situations such as severed fingers, sprained ankles, and the occasional broken limb.  Nurses’ brains are trained to be very rational.  If there’s a problem, there usually is a definitive reason and with that comes a reasonable solution.  Got a cough? I’ll give you a cough suppressant. Got an allergy?  I’ll give you an antihistamine.  Got a Boo-Boo?  I’ll kiss it to make it all better.

Give me a colicky baby though, and my whole world turns up-side- down.

No soon-to-be parent ever imagines that their sweet bundle of joy for whom they so patiently waited for nine months, will keep them up for hours screaming vulnerably in your arms as you try to console them.

So the moment my sweet angel cries, my very logical mind takes over… Baby cries.  Change diaper.  Baby still cries.  Give bottle.  Baby continues to cry.  Burp.  Baby STILL cries.  Rock to sleep.  BABY STILL CONTINUES TO CRY!  Mommy starts to cry herself.  As a nurse, I have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that babies can cry for no apparent reason.  As a mom, it breaks my heart knowing there is no way of consoling my helpless and distraught infant.

10 weeks ago, I gave birth to my second child and time itself, has seemed to stop.  Any parent of a colicky child knows exactly what I’m talking about.  The moment you cannot calm your child, time seems to suspend and every second feels like an eternity.  I’m here to tell you… you’re not alone.  Although, there is no known cause for colic, I have some simple ways to help you survive through this torrential time.

First, let’s look at what a colicky baby looks like:

  1. Cries for a long time in despite of your attempt to comfort.
  2. Has the signs and symptoms of gas pains.
  3. Has a hard, bloated stomach, with knees pulled to the chest, clenched fists, flailing arms and legs, and an arched back.
  4. Experiences recurrent sleeplessness, irritability and fussiness.

Now, some theoretical “causes”

  1. Immature digestive system: muscles that are used in digestion have not developed the suitable rhythm for moving food efficiently throughout the digestive tract.
  2. Certain foods eaten by lactating mothers may be passed through breast milk to baby and cause gas and bloating.
  3. Infants frequently swallow air during feedings or strenuous crying, which increases gas and bloating, further adding to their discomfort.

Blah, blah, blah…

Last, but not least, some things that have helped ME and MY baby when changing, feeding and comforting your baby fails:

  1. Set up a feeding schedule, a set routine can calm and comfort a baby.
  2. Try Gripe water; this is a homeopathic remedy for various stomach ailments.
  3. Try a mild, easy to digest diet such as Nutramigen Formula (If formula feeding) but consult with your pediatrician first.
  4. Chamomile tea (no more than 4 ounces daily) helps relax the intestinal tract.
  5. A good pro-biotic, such as The Baby Jarro-Dophilus probiotic works miracles.
  6. Swaddling does wonders!
  7. If you suspect acid reflux (like my little one) thicken the formula/breastmilk with 1 tablespoon of rice cereal for every 4 ounces of formula/ breastmilk or consult your Pediatrician for useful prescriptions.
  8. Find a good stress reliever for mom, such as deep breathing or help from a partner.
  9. Sit or bathe with baby with skin-to-skin contact
  10. Put your baby in a wind-up swing.  Turn on some music.
  11. Rock or jiggle the crib.

All of these suggestions come from my own personal experience as a mother of two (and not as a nurse).  Always consult your pediatrician first before introducing anything new into your baby’s diet or routine.

On a final note, although it might feel like an eternity, colic does not last forever.  Before you know it, your little angel will be sleeping peacefully through the night and you will once again return to the (semi) sane adult you once were before you were introduced to the little devil that kept you awake all those months.

I can tell you from experience, the day your baby is able to finally smile at you, regardless of how many tears were shed (theirs and/or yours) in the months prior; it is worth every moment of sleep lost.

Trust me, I’m a mom.

 

 

Posted in Health, Parenting Advice | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Lip Service: Eco-Lips Giveaway

by Julie Posted on January 20, 2012

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a zillion times; there’s nothing I despise more than dry, cracked, chapped lips.  And lip balms?  Over the years I’ve tried tons ~ from cheap drug store labels to chic, overpriced formulas.  It’s nearly impossible to find one with a soothing, smoothing texture that absorbs, rather than sliding right off your smackers.

Maybe I’m a balm elitist, but I don’t think my demands are outrageous: clean, organic ingredients (no chemicals), yummy smell, smooth feel, and staying power.  Is that too much to ask?

In Eco Lips, I do believe my lips have met their match!  Their balms meet all of my standards.  They are made in a USDA Certified Organic Plant that practices sustainability.  The varieties and flavors are seemingly endless and they don’t need to be constantly reapplied.

Another thing to love about this company; Eco Lips not only care about the earth, they also have taken up some great community causes.  Cause Balms help raise money and awareness for non-profit organizations by donating a dollar to a foundation when you purchase a balm designed with their logo.  Very worthy causes include the Motivating Miles,  Vitamin Angels, Cheerful Givers, Operation Smile, and more.

There’s more; their One World lip balms utilize Fair Trade Certified Cocoa butter, organic ingredients,  and oils imported from exotic locales.  Scrumptious flavors include Orange Spice, Coconut Ginger, and Lavender Lemon.  Starting at the beyond-reasonable price 0f $3.49 (for organic, sustainable products!), it would be completely practical to try them all!  Here’s your chance to get started….

WIN 

Eco Lips is kindly giving a Takes a Village reader a Complete Lip Care Kit to end their winter-time lip woes!

Kit Includes one of each of the following:

Six Lip balms:  SPF 15 Berry, SPF 15 Mint, SPF 30 Sport, Eco Lips Gold, Hemp and Bee Free Vegan.

Plus Accessories:  Eco Leash, Eco Clip, Eco Lanyard, and Eco Key Ring.

The entire kit comes in a reusable vinyl bag and is valued at $20.99!

To enter please visit the Eco Lips website and comment below with which Cause Balm’s non-profit organization appeals to you most and why.

For extra giveaway entries:

1. Like Takes a Village on Facebook.

2. Like Eco Lips on Facebook.

3. Follow Takes a Village on Twitter.

4. Follow Eco Lips on Twitter.

5. Tweet or Blog about this giveaway. (1 entry per day).

6. Join the village on Google Friend Connect on left sidebar.

7. Click to Vote for us on Picket Fences on the right sidebar. (1 Entry Daily)

8.  Add Takes a Village to your Google+ circle.

9. Subscribe to our Feed, lower right side.

Giveaway winners will be chosen via Random.org. US only please. Contest ends at 11:59 PST February 3, 2012!

Special thanks to Eco Lips for the advance copy for review purposes!
Posted in Beauty, Giveaway, natural, organic, Skincare, Villagers | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 101 Comments

Get in Shape Girl: Exercising Our Lady Parts

by Stephanie Posted on January 19, 2012

In a previous post I’ve discussed my passion for exercise, and how it has helped get me through everyday life.  Now, more then ever, I’m realizing just how important it really is.  Exercise is crucial in  controlling my gestational diabetes and it has lowered my stress levels throughout this pregnancy.  As I delve more and more into my preparation for childbirth I’m learning that exercise is even more relevant.  Giving birth is an athletic event often likened to a marathon, and I have to train for it.

Most books and birthing methods discuss pretty much the same exercises, but one in particular seems to be the most prominently mentioned . Yes folks, it is the almighty  Kegel.   For those of you that aren’t familiar with Kegels, they are the excerise that help to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles.  What are the pelvic floor muscles you ask?  With out getting all Dr.Oz on you, the pelvic floor muscles are all the muscles that support the organs of the lower abdominal cavity such as the uterus, bladder, and bowel.  For a pregnant woman about to give birth – you can see how strengthening these muscles can be very important.

To locate your pelvic floor muscles, try to stop your urine flow midstream.  There they are!  It’s as easy as that.  Once you get that down you can now practice Kegels.  According to Dr. and Mrs. Sears and their book, “The Pregnancy Book”(my favorite pregnancy book so far), there are a number of different ways to practice Kegels.  To name a few, they mention:

Reps- These kegels mainly consist of contracting and releasing your pelvic floor muscles.  Dr. Sears recommends starting with 10 reps four times a day and working your way up from there.

Holding-Contract your PFM and hold for five seconds – then release.  Repeat 10 times and gradually increase the length of time you keep those muscles contracted.

Super-Kegels-This is just contracting your PFM and holding.  You’ll probably start in the 5-10 seconds range.  Work your way up to 15-20 seconds and you are in the super kegel range.  Nice work!!!

Now some of you may be thinking that kegels don’t apply to you, but they do.  Kegels aren’t just for pregnant women - All of us – men and women – can benefit from them.  Yes!  I said MEN too!  Kegels are known to help men increase the size and intensity of erections, and also help fend off premature ejaculation.  For you non-pregnanct women: Kegels help with incontinence, and also may be beneficial for women that have persistent problems reaching orgasm.  I don’t know about you, but I’m sold!

So next time you’re at the gym working all your outside muscles don’t forget to also work the more discreet – yet equally important – “private” (pun intended) muscles too.  No one will ever know what you’re up to.  Sneaky little thing, you.

Posted in Exercise, Health, Physical Fitness, Villagers | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Protect Your Right to Read This (and anything else you so choose)

by Julie Posted on January 17, 2012

 

If you’re online reading this, you’ve probably heard about the two bills before Congress:   Protect IP Act (PIPA) in the Senate and the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) in the House.

These legislations would censor the internet.  They would also impose regulations that would hurt American business. Millions of Web users and entrepreneurs already firmly oppose SOPA and PIPA.  Read more about the bills here.

The Senate will begin voting on January 24th. Please let them know how you feel. Sign this Google petition urging Congress to vote NO on PIPA and SOPA before it is too late.  It takes 2 seconds to sign and is simple to pass on to your friends.

Please tell the government that we value our liberties, including our freedom of speech!

Posted in Freedoom of Speech, Politics, Villagers | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment